Every few months, I get a message that makes me cringe:

"Hi! We haven't met, but I'm looking for a job. Can you introduce me to everyone you know?"

Don't be that person.

But also—don't be the person who never asks for anything because you're terrified of being that person. There's a middle ground. Here's how to find it.

The Foundation: Give First

The alumni who get the most help are the ones who've been helpful. Sounds obvious, but most people miss this.

When someone in the network posts about a challenge, do you engage? When you see a job posting perfect for a fellow alumnus, do you forward it? When you read an article relevant to someone's industry, do you send it?

These small acts matter. They're deposits in the relationship bank. Most people only make withdrawals.

Last month, an alumnus I'd helped with a connection two years ago called me. His company needed digital strategy help. He didn't ask around. He called me directly. That's how this works.

Be Specific About What You Need

"I'd love to pick your brain" is the worst phrase in business networking. It's vague. It's time-consuming. It puts all the work on the other person.

Instead: "I'm evaluating PMS systems for a 150-room property. You implemented one at your hotel last year. Can I ask you three specific questions over a 20-minute call?"

See the difference? You've defined the scope, shown you've done research, and respected their time.

People want to help. They just don't want homework.

Make Introductions Easy

When you ask someone to introduce you to their contact, do the work for them.

Bad: "Can you introduce me to your friend at Marriott?"

Good: "I'm exploring revenue management roles at Marriott. I saw you're connected to Sarah Johnson who leads that department. Would you be comfortable introducing us? Here's a two-sentence blurb you can forward: [insert]"

You've eliminated friction. They can literally copy-paste. That's the difference between "I'll think about it" and an introduction landing in your inbox that afternoon.

Follow the 48-Hour Rule

When someone helps you—introduction, advice, connection—acknowledge it within 48 hours. Not weeks later. Not when you have news to share. Within two days.

A simple message: "The intro to Sarah was perfect. We spoke yesterday and I'm interviewing next week. Really appreciate you making that connection."

This seems basic. Most people don't do it. Be the person who does.

Maintain Without Being Annoying

You don't need to be best friends with everyone. But you should know what's happening in their professional lives.

Set calendar reminders every three months: check in with five people from your network. Not to ask for anything. Just to stay current.

"Saw you posted about your hotel's renovation. How's that going?" is enough. You're showing you pay attention. You care. You're present.

When you eventually need something, you're not coming out of nowhere.

The Long Game

Here's the uncomfortable truth: good networking is a 5-10 year investment. The people you help today might help you in 2030. Or never. You can't track ROI on relationships.

But the alumni who treat networking like transactions? They're the ones always wondering why nobody returns their calls.

The ones who've built real relationships? They're the ones with opportunities coming to them.

This chapter exists because people showed up for each other. Not because of a database of contacts, but because of actual relationships.

Which kind are you building?

Share one time another alumnus helped you in your career. Let's celebrate the power of our network—and remind people why staying connected matters. Tag the person who helped you! 🙏